POETRY COLLECTIONS by Mary Pettigrew
SCARS
This brain, my brain
Reveals an unwanted, uninvited
stain
Stealthy invaders placed an ugly mark
Though visually unseen, it's
there...a permanent scar.
A tattoo, if you will
An indelible marking, perplexing until
Courageous, yet daunting
intervention begins
Presenting theoretical ideas, invasive
needles and pins.
The monster's mastery takes hold,
you see...
Internally stalking, exploring ways
to manipulate me
Wicked, determined to strike and
knock me down
A bully in hiding, deploying
trickery like a devious clown.
This brain, my brain
With this extraordinary,
devastating stain
Brings clarity, unexpected
strength, possibility
Now, determined, striving to re-define
my disability.
MPP2010
Black Hole
Dead matter - neurons misfire
White turns black
Empty, void of repair
Overworked cellular
Overtime labor begun
Lesions come, they go
This one lingered, trespassed
De-faced, fade to black
Despite protests
Daunting, treacherous terrain
Threatening nearby white matter
Memory battles - cognitive ghosts
Deceptive, live versus dead
Defend and protect
As Commander in chief
I give the orders
Build a great wall against –
All around this dark enemy
Contain the prisoner
A life-sentence
Within the hole.
MPP2014
ELEGY FOR A MOUSEKETEER
(a tribute to Annette Funicello)
I didn't exist…not yet
when she smiled -
donning black felt mouse ears
black and white images on
Zenith television sets
viewed globally by millions
in happy homes -
adored - all American
a member of the kiddie club.
I didn't exist... not quite
when she smiled -
donning swimsuits on surfboards
colorful, sunny images in
movie theaters
viewed globally by millions
of happy, hopeful teens -
admired - girl next door
a member of the boomer club.
I met her after school…and Sunday evenings
when I smiled -
entranced with re-runs of black felt mouse ears
and beach blanket fun on a
Sony television set
viewed by me - only me
happy, healthy, hopeful -
forever youthful - timeless?
a member of my club now.
I couldn't comprehend MS or her pain
when she smiled
donning leg braces, wheels, or a cane
black and white images in
print - colorful in life
on television sets
viewed by millions
of distraught boomers - mouseketeers
A member of the disabled club.
(cont.)
I exist - I know her well
we all smile for her, with her, because of her
bittersweet death, understanding now -
donning chairs with wheels, braces, canes
black and white, color images imbedded
in hearts and minds
embraced by millions
of boomer mouseketeers and
generation X, Y...and others like me…
a fellow member of the MS club – a fellow MSketeer.
MPP2013
FEAR
I love music.
No, I BREATHE music!
I believe I breathe because of music
It is part of my DNA
Not speaking about simply listening to music
I'm saying that I FEEL it in my gut, my bones, my heart
and in my soul.
A symphony plays a complex production
composed by Mozart and I hear, I feel
every instrument, every note played in that union of sound
permeates every cell, every fiber of my being.
I live for music.
I live because of the music and
what it does for me,
I PLAY music
My piano sits in the study, tuned, anxiously waiting
for me to play - it wants to be played.
My piano knows me and I know it, intimately.
My piano is lovingly covered with heavily worn, heavily used
sheet music, though nearby lies a stack of new, crisp,
un-attempted pieces ready to be played.
And, I do play - both old and new - sometimes...
Then, I think about my biggest fear...
Despite the lesions that have
intruded my brain, despite the tingles,
the cold numbness my fingers sometimes possess
I play
I play my piano
I think I play my piano better than ever because I now
possess both
passion...and fear.
My fear manifests itself in the
passionate feel and sound that my entire
body puts into playing something...anything
becomes intense and beautiful when
I play
I play my piano
MPP2011
MADNESS
Beautiful complexity
Attempting to marry the blur of
Black notes on paper in front of me to
The smooth ivory beneath my fingertips
Attempting to fuse notes, keys, and tempo
As it is written
As it is meant to
be played
As it is meant to
be heard
Chaos, the sublime fusion
Intrinsic force that is madness -
Mozart
Madness and Mozart - an intriguing partnership
Madness won, took over the man
Ferocious compositions, exquisite music
Led sadly, quickly into a pauper’s grave
Leaving behind collections of art –
Priceless
and eternal
At my piano, my mind wanders, yet
I begin to play, attempting to commune wit
The instrument, the music -
Mozart
Halting, I linger over the notes, unfamiliar parts
Haunting sonata.
Perplexed, I wonder...
What the hell was he thinking when he wrote this?
Why did he write in this manner?
Was he driven by a
muse or some unknown ghost?
What inherent
madness forced this frenetic pace?
Madness…
Mozart
MPP2012
MORE FEARFUL THOUGHTS
My fear pushes me to keep going
even though I am tired
even though my hands are freezing and stiff
My fear is at war with the
possible outcome from this disease
Frightened, and fighting like hell!
My fear is this...
My fear is that one day I shall sit down at my piano
I'll look at the ivory keys and the sheet music in front of
me
and I'll not know what to do!
I fear that I'll look at my piano and know in my brain
that the keys are meant to be pressed - played -
to make music...but, I won't be able to make that happen
because my brain can't seem to get the proper signal
to my hands anymore! Or,
I fear that my brain maintains musical knowledge
and my fingers know what their job is yet,
my hands, my fingers become stiff, spastic,
nonoperational...useless!
I do not fear the possibility of needing a cane to meander
about
I do not fear the possibility of needing a wheelchair or
not being able to drive my car anymore because,
I would STILL be able to sit at my piano and play
I play
I play my piano
MPP2014
OBSTACLES
As of late, I’m stumbling into ditches -
Potholes, sinkholes numerous, constant
Sludge filled blockades swallow me up
Re-route, destroy my path.
Though tiresome, I succeed to claw
To climb out of each ditch –
Wash off the filthy muck and mire
Physically weakened, yet mentally stronger.
That’s all I can do…what I’m supposed to do -
Never allow persistent, muddy obstacles
Opportunity to overcome, to win –
Alter the route, more cautiously – and continue.
MPP 2013
Overwhelmed
The mess on my bed
Is the mess in my head...
Chronic
disarray
Dreadful habits unshed
Accumulating things unsaid, unread...
Swirling
melee
Purge, to cleanse my purpose said
Out loud and in my head...
Again, I'll
disobey
MPP2011
PERCEPTION
Wildly nervous today
Anxiety surely obvious
Others stare, observe my mania
At this moment, I think they do…
Self-conscious perception
Reality exaggerated.
Mouth dry – side effect of panic
Words get caught, muffled struggle
Fidget, pick at my cuticles
Strange…yet self-soothing
Scan surroundings - searching
Retreat,
escape, release…
Heart races, constricted chest
Breath shallow, takes hard work to swallow
Internal chaos on display, surely they
Must see what I am feeling –
Yet, no one does – only me
Ridiculous,
exhausting.
MPP 2012
SHELLS
We are the smallest
Shells not found until
Hardened over true
Hardened over truthful
As grains of sand
Engrave the soul
Secret pearl masks
Hidden tales
Of what is left behind
Behold, magnificent journey
Unique metamorphosis
Eternal memories now culled
From
the shoreline
MPP2012
THE TEST
The test is a mirror...
Every test is a curious mirror
Reflecting confidence and truth
Or, lack thereof.
The test is a mirror...
Displaying naked realism of who we are
Exposing vulnerabilities of who we are not
Or, who we wish to be.
The test is a mirror...
Prohibiting facade and masquerade
Enforcing society's blueprint of conformity
Or, simply guiding our true self.
The test is a mirror...
Unwavering, without grace of grading on a curve
Prodding, quizzes encourage fearful insight
Or, maybe it is only a
ruse.
The test is a mirror...
We are our own professors
Posting grades of pass or fail to ourselves
Yet, we take and re-take the same exam...
What have we learned?
MPP2012
UNITY
Sacred, pure colors, the ideal texture of
Union Jack illuminated prideful appreciation.
Tangible peace felt throughout world-wide networks
Celebrated, agreed to by all mankind...
For awhile
Colossal strength, poise, dedicated work
Prove their privilege, their deserved honor.
Nations entwined as
one, gracious and grateful
These guests of London ,
determined to represent...
The world
Athletic battle amongst countries joyously received
Applauded and embraced, camaraderies, not enemies.
No weapons used in this battle, no one is at war
We are all humans capable of sportsmanship, capable...
Of Peace
MPP2012
To My Brother ~ On His 44th Birthday
Although my hugs, tears, laughs and words
Have said “thank you” over the years
It’s not enough.
Words can barely leave a fingerprint to express
How much I love you – how thankful I am for all your
Tough love and support over the last few decades.
I frequently say, “I have no regrets” in my life
This statement is true…but, if I could turn back
time,
I would’ve been a better big-sis to you when we were
young –
I would’ve paid attention to you, played with you,
and
Protected you –
Most of all, I would’ve talked to you more often –
Your hilarious stories tell me you were naughty,
But a heck of a fun guy to hang out with!
I wish I had taken the time
To “know” you…when we were growing up.
Even still, I have no regrets –
We’ve grown, and have such a close relationship
today –
Closer than most other siblings I know.
And so, I cherish this priceless gift.
I’m proud to have YOU as my brother-
No matter what lies ahead, I know you’ll always be
there –
For me…for your family…
As I will be there for you.
Our lives have tossed us many challenging “gifts” to
play with
Yet, we continue to stand tall.
Honestly, I don’t think you realize how brave and strong
you are,
How big your heart is, and how much you are
appreciated.
My poem to you, on this day, is to make sure you
hear
The message, loud and clear – how much you are
loved!
My birthday wish for you is this:
Laugh often – remember to allow time for
Recess – be silly, run out and play as often as you
can.
My wish for you is that you reward yourself – often
Celebrate who you are and realize
What a terrific brother, son, father, friend, and
partner
You are – and will continue to be for many years to
come.
CHEERS! Make
this year your best one yet! Happy Birthday
P.D.!
Love, your big sister
MPP2013
Prelude & Fugue ~
Fear pushes me to keep going
Even though I am tired -
Even though my hands are freezing, stiff
My fear could be a ruse, at war
Over the unpredictable, yet
Possible outcome from
This disease.
Fear is one day I shall sit down
At my piano -
Look at the ivory keys
Sheet music in front of me
And not know what to do.
I fear I'll look at my piano, knowing
Keys are meant to be pressed, played,
To produce a sound - but,
I fear that won’t happen if
My brain misfires, loses signals
To capable hands, fingers. Or,
I fear my lucid brain will be sharp -
Comprehends the music, ready to
Instruct fingers what to do, yet
Hands are foreign - stiff, frozen, spastic
Useless.
I do not fear the possibility of relying on a cane,
Wheelchair or scooter - or even relinquishing
Car keys- if I can have my piano keys
Just let me sit at my piano and feel it all -
And I’ll play without fear.
MPP2013
RELAPSING
REMITTING MELANCHOLIA
I.
Body numb, mind hopeless
Despair and fear un-relentless
Giving in to exquisite pain, my solitude
Losing my grip, myself with senseless magnitude -
Daily plans feel meaningless
Nightly dreams lack peacefulness
Gasping, grasping tether - latitude - longitude
Needful - yet disbelieving in life's gratitude -
Absent years, lifeless stares
The bottle sedates, sensory impairs
Words and passion unraveled, unglued
Thoughts of love and life never pursued.
II.
Defining drama - realize, accept it fully
Own it, embrace the melancholy
Surrender, release, do silence better
Pray for peaceful breaks in the weather -
Daily plans offer harmony
Nightly dreams encourage epiphany
Desiring, designing new paths from life's longitude
Hopeful - believing life's gratitude.
MPP2013
CONUNDRUM
It's funny
but, not
always laughable.
It's a puzzle
but, the
pieces don't fit together.
It's a quiz, a mathematical equation
curious and
provocative yet, unsolvable.
This conundrum that is life...
silly
riddles jumbled up, tangled up in tether....
a
puzzle on display.
It's a play
but, not
always theatrical.
It's full of puns
but, not quite paradoxical.
It's a riddle, a play on words
the humor's
odd, sometimes inconceivable.
This conundrum that is life...
actors take
the stage, faking, performing the inevitable...
a
puzzle on display.
It performs tricks
but, not
always magical.
It's full of spirit
existential
and non-denominational.
It brings twists and turns and ups and downs
yet the
blueprints bypass the plan architectural.
This conundrum that is life...
daily
lessons re-enforce karma, misunderstood and formidable...
our
puzzle on display....
MPP2010
Watch your eyes dance around my face
Feel your thoughts as you do so - refrain
Love how you look as you silently read me
Smile when you catch me off guard - submit
Sublime, obsessive crumble - yearn for embrace
Vulnerable, weak - how could we know?
Tremble, delicious knowledge that you see me
Oh, to be this simple - and it is…for now
You read me, such persistent courage
No other has attempted…or succeeded
You see who I am, chose not to run
Broke through walls, intent to understand me -
Content to give me time.
MPP2012
UNATTAINABLE
Never had met before
Higher powers became involved
No promise of what's in store
World’s collided, lonely feelings dissolved.
But you
belong to someone else...
Though, here now, you can't completely be mine
You raise me up, intoxicating joy
This drug-like feeling, fantastic, sublime
Acts of proclivity between a girl and a boy.
But you
belong to someone else...
Kissed me, left my bed and to your home
Yet, lingering still, frenetic feelings strong
Our discreet connection, we two own
My love-sick mantra lies, saying nothing could go wrong.
But you
belong to someone else...
You leapt into my mind, into my heart
First sound of your voice, sight of your face
You looked into my eyes upon leaving, resounding pain,
diminished art
Losing balance in love without sense of reason, regret...without
grace.
And still,
you belong to someone else...
MPP 2011
TOMORROW - A MANTRA
Tomorrow...
Things will be different, things will be ok
Everything will be simpler, a clean slate and a brand new
day.
If
I tell these things to myself, will my fear subside?
Tomorrow...
Breathing will come easier, smiles of happiness overcome my
face
Crying tears will be those brought from joy,
I'll know that love will once again find a proper place.
If
I tell these things to myself, will my fear subside?
Tomorrow...
I'll get out of bed and shower, I'll put on something pretty
to wear
I'll leave the comforting hideout of my house, bathe in
sunlight, inhale fresh air.
If I tell
these things to myself, will my fear subside?
my
fear will subside...
fear
will subside...
will
subside...
subside...
MPP2009
The Sleeping Game
Insomniac routine -
'Tis unwanted playtime for
My brain. Frenetic bed-time
activity -
Been here, done this before - chronic
Noise filled solitude ensues.
Welcome to the sleeping game.
The players are me... and me.
Nightly, recruited by a forceful scout,
I unwillingly participate in
Irrational game play, pleading forfeit -
Such a request overruled, denied.
There is no regard for season, inclement weather,
No empathy for injury or illness -
No one gives up, no one quits.
The match between brain and body…
There is no winner.
The game ensues, becoming quizzical.
To-do lists, NOT-to-do lists, WHY-did-I-do-that lists -
Permeate my conscience in search of answers,
Full knowing, it's all for naught. No matter…
3:00am has now come and gone.
Momentary common sense, rational thoughts
Attempts to mediate the scuffle, fleeting
Separate grandiose vs. fantastical reality.
TIME OUT...for now -
Acceptance of moiety will suffice…for now -
Until tomorrow, when the game resumes again...
As it always does.
MPP2012
A WRITER’S RATIONALE
Didn't go out today - didn't leave my room, writing -
Home is where I feel most at ease.
Truth being, haven't really gone outside -
For quite some time now, peaceful self-soothing -
Is what I prefer.
Constant in my head, analyzing, composing, editing -
Dreams, passionate anticipation of new assignments.
Content - thriving, despite lack of social interaction -
Humans are social creatures, yet habits challenge theory -
I am a challenge.
A writer socializes intimately with his designed characters
Companions gathering together, singing, drinking - fulfillment.
In truth, I sit with pen and paper, dismissing those who
call -
Embrace solitude, content with little musings.
Hope I’m understood.
Writers, particularly poets are reputably hermits -
Seeking privacy, solitude, therefore...seclusion.
My excuse anyway, it's a good one – so,
Excuse the mind-set, accept my world, my words.
This is my desire.
MPP2012
NOT ME
People tell me how I'm supposed to feel
People say I am silly, discounting what I know to be real
People can be stupid, oblivious to the obvious, surreal
They are
the one's needing help
not
me...
People tell me what I'm supposed to do
People tell me I'm crazy, feeling the way I do
People who know me, notice nothing new
They're the
one's in the dark
not
me...
I feel what
I feel
I do what I
do
You see
what you see
Do you feel
the same too?
People try to reach me, grabbing hold
People miss their grasp, reaching only air
People don't know and they don't see, it's my air...my
breath
They're the
ones exhaling
not
me...
MPP 2010
MAYBE
Maybe I'll go
Maybe I'll stay
Maybe I'll just pop this cork
celebrate this day.
Maybe you will
Maybe you won't
Maybe you'll surprise us all
yet, it's you...you still don't.
Maybe I'll waken
Maybe I'll sleep
Maybe today's the day
I remember how to speak.
Everything
uncertain
Embracing unclear hope
Optimistic delusion
Grasping ways to cope
Maybe I'll sleep
Maybe I'll pray
Maybe I'll just make believe
everything's ok.
MPP2009
MAGNETIC TRAVELS
Resonating, familiar routine without
hesitation - the machines call out.
Waves unseen yet absorbing me, calculating
almost tangible waves are audible
keeping time, tempo, inside this cylinder.
Frenetic knock-a bout increasing, growing louder
in my imagination - anxiety,
rapid heart beat and quick in breath -
focus, relax, eyes wide shut - for now -
Thump, thump, thump - tic, tic, tic - buzz, buzz, buzz
A rave or a deafening techno concert is
where I am - in essence - in both sound and feeling.
The side to side, up and down movements
frantic, all consuming, magnetic in the diagnostic
travels within me and machine. Reluctant to participate,
resigning to games of science, I blend in.
Click, click, click - beep, beep, beep - knock, knock, knock
I imagine an image, anxious imagination
spinning, acting out over something beyond
my control in the first place! Traveling annually
with magnets is brief, merely a day-trip, yet mandatory.
Reveals a side of me unbecoming, conflicting with my
portrait
visibly, outwardly, seen by you.
Infuse my color with contrast - enhance, magnify, prove.
And it is proven, according to the magnets - and my travels
in this cylinder machine - with their intimate pictures of
me.
MPP2013
IN TIME
You'll remember...
They'll all remember and realize
who I was to you
what I did for you and how painful
it was for me to live that life.
Thoughts, memories today are masked
masked with anger and still taste bitter.
But, in time, and often...
You'll remember...
And, you'll realize.
MPP2011
GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK ~ A Divorce Song
It's amazing, it's incredible
How and why it's come to this
This blazing, this indelible
Ink spot I
won't miss........or will I?
Who are you, who were you?
Why did I turn and close my eyes?
Through my love drunk window I accepted the view
So, it's
really no surprise
Goodbye and
good luck
You'll need
it my dear
I don't
really give a fuck
Because
my conscience is clear........or is it?
Goodbye and
good luck
What comes
around goes around
How does it
feel to be abandoned, stuck
In
solitude, your cowardly head stuck in the ground
Wondering
if you'll ever be found...
It's amazing, it's incredible
How and why it's come to pass
I've gained clarity, you're so readable
This drama will be my last.
Who are you, who were you?
I knew it wouldn't last
The clues the clues, OH, those obvious clues
I'll heal, I'll move on and, I’ll put this in the past
Goodbye and
good luck
Thank God,
it's truly the end
Still, each
feather you pluck from me
Is
painful, I cringe, but I won't bend
Unto
you my darling, this message I send.......or will I?
Goodbye and good luck
You'll need it, you'll see
Crawling out of this mire, this muck
Out from you and me.
MPP2010
GIFTS FROM MY GRANDMOTHER
These treasures
images untold
my heart conceals their worth
and holds,
in agonizing wonder
workings of
my mind.
Virgin gems,
these gifts on loan,
not my own,
demand release from hoarding,
to seek another mind
on which to
play.
Another measure
of a
treasure,
again
released
returns to me.
MPP2012
~
Inspired by Sue Austin …and everyone living with chronic illness.
I broke free from you – in search of
me
No more
chains – alone, able to move - to be free
Released from
binding troubles which control me
Free from
pain, from fear and controversy
Graceful,
my aquatic ballet – dreamlike, I’m normal
Unchained
from stiff limits which impound me
Free from hurt,
chronic burdens which haunt me
Unassisted,
following my map – holding the key
Floating,
flying free from scars and those who pity
Free to
smile, to breathe…to be me.
MPP2013
FOOLISH DESIRE
What the hell am I expecting?
What the hell am I doing?
Showing a side of myself so unbecoming -
Who, besides myself am I fooling?
I'm
guessing no one......
Ignore my heart - mind and body are testing
Examine physically, mentor mortality -
The wants, my needs...delusional, desires conflicting -
Who, besides myself ignores this absurdity?
I'm
guessing you do.....
MPP2010
CICADAS
Aerial assembly - looming in lofty arboreta
Rhythmic...symphonic, yet shrill in sound
Summer's siren - high in pitch, a vibrating trill
A conclave - a warning - or is this worship magnified?
Constant and clear in tempo...somewhat pleading in tone
Music composed by the dutiful male
An insect to squash would squelch, mislead
Curtailing nature's short lived euphony.
Summer begs - it calls - the cicadas do appear
A life purpose unlike other creatures
Comprehending, composing, communicating
Mysterious secrets we'll not know.
Random - fleeting is their raucous existence
Without caveat or memorial they disappear
Leaving behind odd, deafening silence, until
Man and creature resume the familiar.
In ripening months, when cicadas come, engage
Reflect - appreciate guttural concept of performance
Contemplate purpose, unique and always changing
Evolutionary life-force, audible even after departure, death
Never finite...instead, cyclical renewal
When summer begs.
MPP2013
CHASING LOVE
not addiction
no new obsession
fearful proposition
reminding
me...
what
I truly want
not depression
no true reflection
inevitable fruition
guiding me
where
I need to go
I'm chasing
love
And all
that it offers
I'm chasing
love
Because I
believe in lovers
no submission
guarded with my ammunition
a partnership, a
coalition
in finding
what we both want
I'm chasing
love
the touch,
the kisses
I'm chasing
love
Because
you're the one who truly listens
MPP2011
CHAIRS
Here I sit
in a chair made of wood -
wooden legs, I can sit upon
and rise up from whenever I want to.
Surrounded by others
who also sit
in chairs like mine, made of wood -
with wooden legs.
The others sit in chairs with steel wheels
instead of wooden legs.
With motorized knobs directing where they go.
The one's who sit in wheels
have legs, and feet of their own - like mine.
Their legs used to be like mine -
functional...sometime ago.
Now, their legs are problematic - useless.
Legs which feel like wood,
wet noodles, fire, painful needles, atrophied and stiff...
yet, here they sit - with me
in chairs of different means, but of similar purpose.
Together, we gather in our chairs and we sit,
talk, smile, nod and understand
for the same reason, sharing this disease
together, members of this exclusive club
no one has applied for.
MPP2013
Inhale…a reflex
painfully difficult sometimes -
A bodily function, required for life, taken for granted
by “the normals”.
This happened before - panic
Anxious it’s happening again.
Then your mind takes over
And your chest tightens
Sober, think you're feeling bolder
Yet, acidic knots control your gut.
Then...you
breathe...
It's then
that you'll see
How easy
things will be
It'll
all be fine
When you
just...breathe
Holding self together
Confident, pieces are in place, until
Something tries to break the tether
As it swings to hit you in the face.
Your irrational mind takes over
Hands begin to clench
Don't care about being sober
Once again, life has thrown its wrench.
But then, you
breathe
You believe
If you
breathe, breathe with me
All
will be fine
When you
just breathe...
MPP2010
BATTLE WOUNDS
No reprieve, once healed
agenda is to cut again -
becoming common, somewhat normal -
each cut, pain no longer
recognized.
Scars, wounds visible
others, critical...chronic -
never seen, nor felt to the touch -
pretending, hopeful of prayer, or magic...
fantasize, fantastical
in thought...
are the scars still there?
Scan deeper - take a picture
my skin, tissues vanish somewhat -
becoming transparent
allowing my wounds to illuminate
taking center stage in my priceless portrait.
MPP2013
QUERY
This too shall pass...
I'm beginning to question this common phrase. Slowly...out
loud yet, quietly,
Repeating each word I attempt to discover, dissect
I ask, what does this phrase really mean?
Strangely imbedded in my mind, I realize my hopeful mantra
has now become
Daily affirmation for strength and acceptance of self.
This too shall pass...
My query of which I deliberately ask myself, seeking clarity
Attempting to understanding the truthful
Simplicity of the question residing in the meaning.
What does this phrase mean?
More importantly, what does it mean - -to me?
This too shall pass...
I wonder, am I merely giving myself verbal permission to brush
little unpleasantries Under the carpet, assuming they will certainly work themselves
out? Maybe.
Am I self-soothing for a mistake, a bad decision? A self inflicted punishment caused Purely from
poor judgment on my part?
Or, am I simply reminding, re-assuring myself of true realization? This absolute, finite
Existence of Karma?
This too shall pass...
As I repeat these words to myself the saying begins to lose
its impact and actually sounds A bit lazy, flippant. Hmmmm.
I chuckle, because as usual, it's quite easy for me to OVER analyze
and
Deconstruct something that's merely supposed to be simple,
easy, and appropriate no Matter what the need or desire may be.
The words
are always the same and always said in the same order. However,
The meaning
of each word can take on as many forms as I require or desire to
Find peaceful order in my life! Yes, the words are always the same...
F
No one ever
scrambles them up in attempt to change the intent of the phrase
Or to make it sound better, more unique. And so, I've come to the conclusion that
The answer to my query is obvious and it is clear...
Or to make it sound better, more unique. And so, I've come to the conclusion that
The answer to my query is obvious and it is clear...
THIS TOO SHALL PASS...
I discover that I breathe a little deeper when my mantra is
uttered. My shoulders relax. That irritating little furrow, usually residing between
my eyebrows diminishes.
My voice softens and slows to a easy tempo...I almost smile.
I've come to the conclusion that I actually like being
capable, of allowing myself to
Use this oh, so common phase for my own private
benefit. It's meaning to me,
Is exquisitely pure, simple...the meaning is mine. It
belongs only to me.
MPP2012
BEGINNING TO THE END
People meet, sparks fly
Passionate, intense heat - make you cry
Committed bond, future in motion
Lonely vagabonds, no more – drink lovesick potion
Man and woman, husband and wife – don’t look back
Vows for life, blind to the bind – unveil, fade to black
Something cracks, frenetic and loud– play the game of blame
Infected reality, life opens its door - not pretty, not tame
No “good morning” kisses or even a smile – don’t talk
Days begin sour, bleak – coffee is cold…it’s time to walk
Anger, resentment – new normal, hateful words exchanged
Interaction fake, formal - acts of love rare, refrained
Hate replaced love - bewildered, beguiled – senseless confusion
Cherished rags, soiled - tossed in the can - wasted delusion
Family, a foreign word - blood thicker than water, evolved
Reconciliation a ruse – unfathomable loss, dissolved
Divorce - no longer yours, no longer mine - resign
Lifelines and lifetimes, divided – scarred, wounded in design.
MPP2013
Awakenings
I woke up...
day after day I did wake from sleep
everyday for 47 years.
Today, I truly woke up
found a life with purpose and
meaning unknown before.
Why now?
Refer to puzzles & scattered pieces of the past
existing in body only, dethatched completely from
this mind, my soul.
Why now?
I fessed up...
confrontation, realization never easy
every day for 47 years.
Today I fessed up
admitted my lies, unpleasantries
confessing, calling truce between me & myself. Why now?
Refer to outcomes, my actions
destructive to my body, torments
this mind, my soul.
Why now?
I rose up...
clarity, epiphany once clouded
every day for 47 years.
Today I rose up
forgave myself, self pity, self loathing
standing tall, facing head-on weakness. Why now?
Refer to others needing, searching
lost in bodies as I once was lost, craving
this mind, my soul.
Why now?
I grew up...
rebirth of purpose, lessons learned
every day for 47 years.
Today, I grew up
I see, understand myself, agree
proving nothing to no-one, celebrate.
I
finally met me...
No comments:
Post a Comment